I have more than one good disaster travel story. Those usually make for the best stories, because who really cares if you just had a great time on your trip with no delays, lost luggage, robberies, injuries, bad weather or any problems whatsoever. But today added a story to my repertoire that I couldn’t have even dreamed with my entire travel history combine; which makes sense because none of us dreamed up a global pandemic interrupting our lives either.
So here I am, typing out an experience that I can’t quite wrap my head around yet. As some of you know, I have to admit to traveling a little during Covid. Travel is both my way of life and my income and it’s been a tough year. I have recently got a few assignments, and while I’ve been hesitant, I’ve also been desperate to get back to life as I know it (or the new life as I know which includes covid tests, masks, face shields, hand sanitizer, quarantines and staying away from people…all of which I accept fully.)
Today I was supposed to be going to the Galapagos. Prior to entering Ecuador, a negative Covid test is required within ten days of arrival and to go to the Galapagos requires another within three days of arrival. Forty-eight hours before my flight departed I took a Covid test from a lab in Ecuador that I had seen expats recommend and one of which a friend used only two weeks ago and had a smooth experience and returned back to the USA with no issues.
I got my results yesterday, got all my paperwork together (which is a serious stack of permissions to enter Galapagos besides the Covid test) and I showed up at the airport this morning three hours early (honestly so early just because I wanted to have coffee and breakfast in the airport lounge…yes…I’m a travel snob.)
In many countries outside the USA you cannot enter the airport without showing your boarding pass and passport and that is the case here, as well as showing the covid test, which I did. My senses always pick up a little when I notice someone holding my paperwork summoning over another person. About this time a representative from the company I was on my way to dive with showed up and as we introduced ourselves it became apparent they were not impressed with my covid test. There was also a large bust two days prior at this airport over fake covid lab tests. People faking their own tests and actual labs faking tests.
After about an hour of showing the powers that be at the airport my emails and my Whatsapp conversations with the laboratory that did my test, both the representative and the airport lady were on the phone talking to the lab and others. It was clear things weren’t going well, but travel in this part of the world and other places like Asia and Africa have taught me to just sit back and wait. Usually my method is staying calm and patient for extended periods of time eventually works. If not, crying is my second method…and in the case of arguing about my overweight luggage – starting to repack at the check-in counter while throwing my bras and underwear all over the counter is the third method (travel tip - pack those on top for easy access.)
With 90 minutes until take off, they decided I should go get another test, which is impossible. I used to do PCR work, the reason it takes days for the results is because the test takes a long time. There was no way we were going to get in a taxi, get a test and have it processed before my flight left. (Also – I was supposed to be getting on a boat…so not arriving today probably means no boat and the airline I booked didn’t have another flight for 3 days.) But I give in. Fine. If this is the game we have to play, I’ll get in the taxi (which is probably the brother of the airport person) go get another covid test (at the lab they told me I have to go to who their mom probably works at) which promises results in unrealistic times.
It took us at least 20 min to get there; it’s now almost 10:30 and they said check in closed at 11. We could hardly even get back to the airport at this point and there was a line for the tests. Plus they wanted to charge me $150, which whatever, I need to get on that plane. But then I started thinking about how this might be a scam. Was this just a way to get more money for somebody’s friend’s covid lab and I was the lucky gingo who they picked out of line today? I had also been messaging the lab the were saying was fake, as had the lovely representative from the boat, and the latest story was that the lab administers the tests but then sends them out to another lab (which apparently was on the list) so they were trying to get a results document from that lab.
At this point I decided I did not want to be part of the $150 covid test scam and I say to go back to the airport. Also – I have a bit of gringo-privilege. I don’t think I’ve ever not actually ended up on a flight for whatever nonsense someone was giving me in over 70 countries. In the end…usually at the very last minute…with tears…I end up on the plane. New plan – get back to the airport before the plane left. They weren’t really going to not let me on it….right?
Did I also mention I don’t really speak Spanish? Like beyond good morning and can I have a beer and where is the bathroom? All of this is way over my head.
We get back to the airport at 10:50….flight is at 11:45. The same lady comes back and still is like – no – this test was a fake. She calls the lab again and out of nowhere just starts yelling at the phone. I was like, what is going on? It was later translated to me that she threatened the lab with sending the authorities after them for charging people for tests, administering them, but then not actually processing them. There are obviously large fines for this. She hands the phone to the other lady who tells me that they will offer me a refund plus the costs of my hotel, new test, and flight the next day.
Basically I roll my eyes so far back into my head it hurts. Yeah right, like some lab a five hour drive away is going to pay for my new flight. I’m kinda getting to that sorta mad and frustrated point and I told her whatever, how are they going to get me the money? I’m not driving back there. She tells me they will transfer it into my bank account and I just need to give them my bank details.
Okay. So now is there a Nigerian Prince involved? I should just give my bank details to a company that has already scammed me? I mean…yes, I’m a gringa who can’t speak the language and maybe I look stupid…but no way. How many different scams am I currently involved in right now? I just want to get a hotel room and a cup of coffee and regroup. The flight is leaving in ten minutes. I’m not on it. And the airport lady is not letting me in.
I resign completely. I tell the boat representative that I’m not giving my bank details. But if she wants to give them hers and they actually transfer the money (there’s no way in hell they are going to do that), she can have $100 of it. Then I sit down on the ground (we are still out in front of the airport in about 85 degrees with humidity and the sun beating on us) and I open my laptop to book a hotel room. (Confession – it’s the Hilton, I’m so over this day, I’m going to the Hilton, where I have status and they pretend they love me and there’s a soft bed and comforting white walls which will make me feel so much better.) I also booked the next morning’s flight which may still allow me to catch the boat.
While I am spending money, the lady tells me they just sent her the money.
They.Sent.Her.The.Money.
I think my jaw literally dropped (no one saw though because of the mask). You have got to be kidding me. And is this not a total admission of guilt? If they didn’t fake my test, there’s no way they would have sent the money. I can’t even. Like I still can’t grasp that this actually happened. Plus like I just went through so many emotions in the last three hours my head hurts. I have this like adrenaline rush of – it really was a scam! How is this even real?
The lovely boat representative then calls her boyfriend to come get us, he shows up and they take me to an “approved lab” to get another covid test (which was awful – of the like 10+ tests I’ve gotten so far, this guy made me think he was doing internal damage to the inside of my nose and throat…and eyes.) Then they went to the bank and she withdrew the money. I gave her $120. They took me to the Hilton and dropped me off.
And now I get to try this all again tomorrow.
I feel like there’s some lesson to be learned in all of this…but the only one I can come up with is: There’s a Global Pandemic – Stay Home.
